Definition of “que cojones” in English

Which is the definition of “que cojones” in English? Why do Spanish people use this idiom so regularly and naturally? Let’s analyze it.

From the desk of Samy,

I never, ever would have imagined that I would write the following text! It turned out I was taking a look at my blog stats when I came across this…

Definition of “que cojones” in English

I think all Spanish people will agree with me that this is, at least, funny funny funny! I’ll try to explain what this means, it’s not easy though!
First of all you must place yourself: this is a Spanish idiom, indeed, a very informal and vulgar one. In Spain, don’t wonder why, there are one type of men: they are machos ibericos. The translation would bemales but it doesn’t have the same meaning at all.
These machos are men who likes to talk very rude and act very masculine. And the more hair you have, the better and if you drink a lot of beer as well, you could be the machos ibericos’ god.
They are better than anyone else and they are always right. If somebody doesn’t agree with them, they become very angry because they are more machos than anyone! You just can’t go against one macho iberico. Other people think (thank god, most of the people, but not as much as it should be though) they are just ignorants. Indeed, we feel sorry for them… But these are not remote people, there are a lot of people who considers themselves a good macho.

Well, now that you are already familiarized with the Spanish fauna, we can go ahead with que’ cojones. There is a way to mesure how macho español/iberico you are: depending on your cojones, you are more or less macho. Literally, to have cojones means to have balls/to have guts. In Spain, if you are very rude and you never let anyone upset you, and you are the most masculine ever, you will have a lot ofcojones!! Therefore, you are a very good macho iberico. However, if you let the people talk with you and maybe, argue about something… Waw, man, you are crucified. You better leave the country as soon as possible before machos find you! ‘cos you will be persecuted for being a looser and for not having enough cojones! That’s unthinkable! And it’s not a joke. Don’t even think this could be a joke! This is very serious, remember that machos are very masculines and all of them have to show their manliness without fail, ever!

So, a very popular idiom when this race talk among them is qué cojones que tengo, which means I have guts, a lot and between lines you can read I’m a supermacho, I’m so cool!. Another situation where this sentence is used is when something or somebody pisses off one of this so well-known machos. Then, by the book, they will start the sentence (almost shouting and very rude) with an innocent que cojones…!! so that they can express their total disagree or disappointment and also their masculinity at the same time, because it’s totally necessary and compulsory.

Summing up, que cojones is, as we say here, typical Spanish.
There’s a funny video, made by an actor, that satirizes very good this people. It’s in Spanish but if you can understand that, it’s worth it!